by Heather Tomasello

Gifts given from the heart are invaluable. This truth is the reason why a woman cherishes the simple handful of wildflowers that her sweetheart has unceremoniously plucked and presented. It is why a man tingles inside as he re-reads a letter written long ago in lovely and familiar script. These small tokens speak volumes to the recipients. They communicate,” I know you and I love you. We share a special bond. I care so much for you that I wanted to tell you in my own unique way. You are well worth my time and effort.” The gift itself need not be the “perfect” item; rather an expression of our emotions for the one whom is “perfect” for us. The challenge is to select gifts that communicate our feelings and special relationship.

This may seem easier said than done. You may be convinced of the value of gifts from the heart, but uncertain how to begin. Before you condemn yourself to a life of buying small appliances or belts, boxers and ties, consider your love language. “My what?” In his book “The Five Love Languages” (Northfield Press: 1995) Gary Chapman describes the different “languages” individuals may favor to express their love. He characterizes them as words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch, in addition to actual material gifts. Which kind of gift are you most comfortable giving and receiving? Which kind does your beloved seem to prefer? It may help for you to think about gifts in those categories. Below are some examples to consider as you contemplate your own gift ideas.

“How do I love thee? let me count the ways…”

Spoken and written words are like bricks that you can use to build your partner up. Just as harsh words can sting and scar long after they are spoken, language of tenderness and love can encourage for years to come. I love my husband’s handwriting, the thrill of re-reading the letter he wrote on our first anniversary or finding a note left in my dresser drawer.

Ideas for Gifts of Affirmation: Letters and cards are obvious, but what about trying your hand at a poem? Consider the specific reasons that you admire your loved one. Hand-write it on nice stationary and consider framing it. Is he/she wild about your voice? Tape record a declaration of your feelings and secretly leave it in their car tape player.

Cost: $0-5 Depending upon stationary, frame, tape, etc.

An evening Together

Between our two jobs, his finishing his degree, and various school and church activities, there are some days that my husband and I are lucky to have one waking hour together. As newlyweds, this state of affairs can take its toll. We have made a commitment to each other and our marriage to have one date night a week. This time is “ours” and it is sacred, our way of giving the gift of quality time. The “quality” refers to giving undivided attention; this time must be unhurried and uninterrupted. We often go to a favorite coffee shop and sit outside, away from our apartment and its plethora of distractions.

Ideas for Gifts of Time: Pack a picnic basket and find a grassy spot under a tree in a nearby park. Don’t forget the candles! Take a stroll together down town and end the date with a cup of espresso or a mocha latte. Challenge your beloved to a game of one-on-one basketball. Go roller skating together (how long has it been since you did THAT?!) Roast marshmallows over a small portable grill and talk under the stars.

Cost: $0-15