Taking your partner to meet your parents for the first time can be a tense event for all parties. Expectations, interests, personalities, histories and how well someone is feeling at that particular moment can all play a part as you bring together the people you love in one place. Your partner’s nervousness is understandably that of someone who wants to be approved of and your parents’ nervousness stems from wanting to like this person you found important enough to bring to see them. What if the best laid plans go awry? Even if your partner may not have noticed anything amiss, you did. If you know your parents and how to rate their emotional responses, you’ll know very quickly if they are natural in their polite welcome or if it’s particularly forced.
Sometimes, your parents will come right out and let you know how much they don’t like the partner and sometimes, it will be a more cold, non-committal responses. If a reasonable ‘get to know them’ period has passed and you still have a feeling that your family doesn’t like your mate, it’s time to talk to them. Your parents will likely have their reasons, whatever they might be, for their antipathy, distrust, reluctance or even plain simple non-interest.
Talk to them constructively - try not to immediately feel on the defensive. Accept that sometimes people’s personalities just do not mesh well together. If your parents have objections, hear them out and then calmly, always calmly, talk to them about it. It could be something as simple as a misunderstanding. In some instances, it could be a very real problem. You may find that in talking with them that you will simply have to disagree for now. If you are certain about the relationship, you may need to explain to them that this is the person that you care for and that you are happy together. Attempt to find some common ground that your parents and your partner can relate on and remember, you might want your parents to love the person you love, but you can’t force them too. All you can is request that they respect your choice and attempt to get past whatever bias or concern that holds them in check.And remember, ultimately your parents love you very much and have your best interests at heart. You will not always agree on what those best interests are, but you can agree to disagree and in the best of relationships – that’s the most adult way to go.
