The recent movie Monster-in-Law tells a farcical tale of a woman who loathes the younger woman her son has decided to marry. She does horrible things to make her future daughter-in-law’s life hell. While this is a comedy, it’s also a tale that many people can relate to. Unfortunately, because personalities are so varied and expectations can drift, some conflicts will arise even in the best of relationships.
Problems with the in-laws can be as simple as too many assumptions on their parts or your own or as complicated as true dislike. In many cases, it’s hopeful that even if there is no true liking between your spouse’s parents and yourself, that maturity and love for a common person will win out.
If it doesn’t, then you must choose to set boundaries. Boundaries for yourself and for your in-laws that include spending time with them and away from them as well as making sure that they are a part of their grandchildren’s lives in a positive way. If they are harmful and abusive, you are certainly within your rights to want to keep them at arms length, but it is better to not be the one that tries to push them out of your lives. If your spouse chooses to act, that is their choice.
The best you can do is to maintain your own sense of calm, be friendly and polite and if you must see them as simply guests in your home when they come, then do so. Avoid contentiousness, but if your problems with your in-laws causes you true grief through their words or actions, tell them about it. Make them aware that you do not wish to continue in the vein they have chosen. You can set those boundaries and your in-laws are adults too – it is not unreasonable for you to expect them to respect that.
If all relationships could be repaired with the wave of a wand, life would be much simpler. Because they can’t be, it’s better to keep the lines of communication open, maintain your calm and don’t be the one who starts the fight, but if it is necessary, have the high ground upon which to end it.
