by Jeremy Reis and Heather Tomasello, Staff Writers

In-Laws or Outlaws: The Choice is Yours

Planning a wedding is an exciting, complicated, and oftentimes stressful undertaking. Much of the tension results from the fact that wedding preparations traditionally include not only the bride and groom, but also their parents. In this day and age of divorces and blended families, that may mean that multiple sets of parents are involved! How do you maintain good relationships with your future in-laws without being a pushover? What do you do when your in-laws are behaving more like out-laws?

Select Your Battles Wisely. You and your future spouse need to decide which aspects of the wedding are most important to you or non-negotiable. Most parents will want to be involved in your planning and may even have strong opinions about the way certain aspects should be handled. Remember that your wedding is not only your wedding, but your parents' opportunity to send you off. In many cases they are contributing large sums of money to make the day a success. (Even if they aren't paying for anything you should still include and honor them as much as possible unless your relationships are estranged.)

As a general rule on areas of disagreement, your fiance should deal with their parents, unless of course you are better at communicating with them. Many brides find that they have a better time relating to their mother and mother-in-law, while their husband may communicate better with the fathers. The groom's parents may also feel left out of the planning process as most of the wedding plans occur on the bride's side. Including them on some decision making can help make them feel a part of the process and alleviate some of the stress.

Perhaps you don't care if you have strawberry or pineapple punch at the reception. If your mother (or future mom-in-law) really wants to plan refreshments and you don't have a preference, let her have at it! Choose beforehand the things you will NOT budge on, and the aspects that are more flexible. This will save you plenty of headaches and disagreement down the road.