Your feelings will come and go and there will be days when you will not like your spouse. You may feel angry, hurt, disgusted, disappointed, exhausted. Yet you still are called to love your husband or wife as you promised on the day you were married. In all circumstances, in spite of your feelings. This is the secret that happy gray-haired old couples understand, the glue that binds a marriage and guarantees a love that will stand the test of time.

In most cases, men and women do not simply decide, "I would really like to have an affair today. Forget the pain it will cause my wife and children, the shame and guilt I will face." Most husbands and wives who admit to having affairs say that they were not looking to cheat on their spouse. The infidelity is not necessarily the problem, but the result of many circumstances over time that culminates in this act of betrayal.

As Gary Smalley describes in his best-seller The Hidden Keys of a Loving Lasting Lasting Marriage(Zondervan Publishing, 1988) there are behaviors that you and your spouse can consciously commit to in the beginning of your marriage that will protect you from the likelihood of this heartache down the road. Be proactive in protecting your love relationship.

Smalley recommends committing not to highly praise other men or women to your spouse. Statements like "Cindy is so beautiful," or "I am so impressed by Jim's success in his job," can cause your spouse to feel jealous or insecure. Do not invest emotionally in friends of the opposite sex. This is an easy pothole to slip into that will have dangerous results down the road. These friends will be the first people that you turn to if you and your spouse have an argument. You'll be very vulnerable and that friend will be very understanding and sympathetic and…well, everything that your spouse is not at the moment. Seeds will be planted that might later blossom into attraction and infidelity. Avoid friends or family members who talk negatively about your spouse or cause you to focus on negative aspects of your marriage.

You and your spouse are a team. The greatest danger to your unity is a mentality of "me" v. "my spouse." Set goals together for your relationship. Above all, ensure that your spouse knows that they hold a place in your heart that no one else can touch.