Breaking Up is Hard to Do

by Heather Tomasello, Staff Writer

The end of a relationship can be a very painful thing, whether it was a mutual decision, you initiated it, or your former boyfriend or girlfriend suggested you break up. You may have invested a great deal of yourself in that other person. You may have thought you were going to spend the rest of your lives together. You may find that you are losing not only a boyfriend or girlfriend, but someone you considered a best friend.

Grieving the Relationship

It is important to remember that the end of any relationship gives us cause to grieve. Breaking up with someone is like experiencing a death – the death of the relationship, of you being loved by that person, of your hopes and dreams for the future with that person. This sounds very bleak, and it is important to remember that it is also the start of new things for you. I say that breaking up is a death so you remember that it is okay to grieve.

Grieving is a process. You might feel fine one day. "Finally!" You think. "I am over her!" Then you hear "your song" on the radio, or your friends talk about her, or you find an old note from her...and you feel hurt and sad and even a little bitter all over again. Give yourself time. Permit yourself to cry if you need to cry. Do not, however, dwell in your misery – playing "your song" over and over again, or pulling out the old box of love letters every day.

Looking to the Future

The end of your relationship is also a new beginning. A new beginning for what? That is up to you! You have freedom that you may not have had before when in the relationship. Take a pottery class or get involved in a regional sports team. Meet and interact with new people. Reflect upon your relationship and ask yourself, "What have I learned from it?"

Take yourself out on dates! Discover the value of quiet, of being alone. You may even start a journal and find a favorite little cafe to go and sit and write for hours. Appreciate saying, "A table for one, please."